My Grandchild who?

Comment found underneath Article post on Sandra Rose website here: NeNe Leakes’ Son’s Child Support Drama, Baby Mama Says He Blows His Money On Drugs

The “fend for yourself as an adult” mentality of a lot of lower class or lower income to middle income people in these stolen states of Americas. They seem to be indoctrinated with helping a family member financially at a specific age and also who is not their child, is supposed to be a choice and not a family oriented responsibility and or obligation to secure, protect and value the well being of and honor the interests of new family heirs.

Now if I’m not mistaken, child support is based on the income of the parents, and not any incomes of that of grandparents, aunts, uncles etc.. Whether their family members incomes are millions of dollars or billions of dollars, no judge counts that as a determinant of an amount of child support a parent should be obligated to pay. The determinant is the parent equally sharing and rightfully sacrificing whatever personal and private assets they own to ensure the best care for their offspring. The child didn’t ask to be here. And if it takes a village to raise one, then why is it a problem whenever money is a concern?

In my “irrelevant” lol opinion, I myself, am self wired to consider a grandchild of mine, a valuable addition as well as a living breathing asset to my family tree. Hypothetically speaking, my adult child would be as is, responsible for the immediate care of that new generation and extension of life of our bloodline, and should be treated no different or any less just because of any faults and or short comings of my adult child. I understand that many may not agree with my thought process but I am just sharing what I have come to the conclusions of…

Grandparents are considered immediate family. I figure, humility is a virtue. Saying that to say, that if I had of done all things accurate or perfect, in my own parenting raising my, now, adult child, they would have not gotten into any extreme dysfunctional situations, like in reference to this story with Nene son for instance… Being a baby mama or a baby daddy are not terms of endearment. They are more like a devaluation of being a mother and or a father and co-parenting together in peace for the sanity and well being of the creation of an innocent child.

Do reality shows like “Teen Moms”, and “16  & Pregnant”? What happens then when the grandchild is born from underage parents? Are you in or out, leaving the cycle to possibly continue?

A child that needs, before it is born, for there to be some sort of established family morale, security and comfort of a stable home (single or two parent) and the common sense care of an immediate and surrounding set of extended family members. Otherwise, the child at every stage will question the role of said family member and compare this relationship she/he has with friends and other extended family members. Creating confusion and possible envy or jealousy that is unnecessary when everyone is on the same page with valuing the well being of the child beyond beef, mistakes and or self interests or resentment of the child’s parent who is also your family member that should have also been valued the same. Hope that wasn’t hard to understand… Trying my best to express my opinion clear… Thanks for getting this far…

Now…

This is not to say I am any more special, or better than any one else who thinks differently. I am always open for change and convincing counter arguments. I am a work in progress just like the rest. This is just to say that I do not get how we can expect a child to be born and survive and thrive and lacking the care of immediate and extended family members, in an already hostile environment, with no expectations, of any surrounding support of any extended family members unless they may “want to or feel like it”. Haven’t we learned from colonialism and modern day economic slavery by these now filthy rich colonialist, calling themselves elites and hierarchy royalty bloodlines, that resources are an asset and are meant to be pooled together if not shared for the betterment of the whole around us? Not hoarded up by one and shared only when it is felt like it or in dire situations that could have been avoided if shared in the first place. Bad example? No? Okay. You get the point but lemme wrap it up…

Unfortunately, sometimes parents refuse to (although they did the best they knew how) admit any wrongdoing in the upbringing of their now, adult children, and how it played a part in their actions as a adult. Whether it be mistakes or great achievements. Mistakes is not the problem bc apparently they are meant to be made. Mistakes will occur for a lifetime. Its the way the mistakes are handled afterward. Mistakes are evidently made to learn by example and or experience. Then be corrected after we agree that it was a ‘mistake’ that was actually made.

I think that the numbers are in, the gig is up, and its been the most ineffective of solutions to ignore the problems made by our mistakes made in the process of living life. The attitude of “its not our problem”, has never gotten anybody nowhere but worse off then they started lol. In the hopes that it will one day fix itself with tuff love, or go away or maybe picked up and dealt with by someone who cares a bit more.

Is this Tuff love? I know Tuff love as being a cut off from using and abusing someones love and kindness for gain and ones self serving interest. Tuff love to me should never be considered when a baby of an immediate family member is concerned. Because there is always a way to resolve or help a situation whenever a baby is at stake. The child will only be an infant, a baby, a toddler, school age, a teen, and so forth, only once… Adults can hold grudges for years. Adults can hate each other and not ever speak again till a funeral. Why should the child be deprived of its existence of security, safety and comfort for our selfish mistakes and stubbornness to help correct the problems accumulated by these mistakes? Hm, don’t we all need somebody?

In fact, are we too prideful and stubborn to say so because we are living in a material & greed driven based, shame culture, but we still need each other?

It is not a proven natural phenomena and scientific fact that if a newborn, is deprived of constant human contact, genuine affection and mental stimulation from the attention and delicate care of an adult (if not parent), will actually die from a lack of love or if survive, suffer from mental and physical disabilities. A newborn cannot earn a parents love. How did we come to the conclusion Love is to be earned when it has proven to be a unselfish act of kindness that also indeed, a rational and logical necessity of life?

The way people show love is not indifferent it is either so or a sign as a lack of care. Period. People are different, so no, a mothers love cannot fill the void of a fathers love and a fathers love cannot fill the void of a mothers love, a grandparents love, a sibling, a aunt, a uncle, a cousin…you get me right… If any of the said family and extended relatives in the family exist at all. If they choose to be absent then that effects the molding and overall whole well being of the child’s development. Money or not.

One can manage to gain the love, attention and or care of a significant other, but neglect, crave and or yearn the love of a parent (emotionally and or physically present or neglectful), sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin… and this void does not heal just because one has the love and care of somebody among that natural habitual list. Lol. No matter how hard I try to run, and mask it, I know I will forever be missing the immediate and extended family contacts (that are absolutely alive and well), that I know I needed in the process of growing into an adult, to gain the understanding and knowledge of.

And if I missed out on their care and affections just because of family strife, I may still emotionally need them, even if its only to put an end to the emotional torture for
closure. I can remember the times when seemed to value cousins just like siblings if not more so… But in this day and age, just like siblings, aunts, uncles and apparently grandparents, cousins can fall in a category of being just like strangers.

Relationships and or bonds with these people around me who are supposedly family or an extension of, are necessary, money has nothing to do with it. Not watching or ignoring me growing up just
because money is involved. I don’t know everything and there still exist a whole lot of variables and circumstances surrounding this issue, but… What ever happened to “where there’s a will there’s a way.”?

I don’t know I would love to hear what you guys opinions, stories and experiences are in regards to this issue or similar. Does this balls down to money or responsibilities?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *